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DMom wrote:Well, if you are going to use a real picture of me than I will have to show my real self:

My husband bought me a mood ring the other day.

When I'm in a good mood it turns green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead.

Time to...............

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally,the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows."

"We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."

"That's when I made my big mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"

"I don't remember much after that"!

FROM: Jane
TO: Tech Support

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installs many other valuable programs such as Dinner Dancing 7.5, Cruise Ship 2.3, and Opera Night 6.1. It also installs new, undesirable programs such as Poker Night 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs. When I click on it, the system crashes. Under no circumstances will it run Diaper Changing 14.1 or House Cleaning 2.6.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!

*************************************************************************


FROM: Tech Support
TO: Jane
Subject: Upgrade Dangers

Yours is a common problem women complain about and is mostly due to a misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with Heart Break 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create Fat Belly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.

Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as Fix Broken Things 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and Best Friend 7.6.

A final word of caution! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother in Law 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until Mother In Law 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

DMom wrote:A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally,the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows."

"We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."

"That's when I made my big mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"

"I don't remember much after that"!

LOL! That's too good.

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar.

At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, 'Well, I've a tried to treata her nice, spenda the money on her, but best is that I tooka her to Italy for our 20th anniversary!'

The Priest responded, 'Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary.'

Luigi proudly replied, 'I'm a gonna go and get her.'

DMom wrote:FROM: Jane
TO: Tech Support

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installs many other valuable programs such as Dinner Dancing 7.5, Cruise Ship 2.3, and Opera Night 6.1. It also installs new, undesirable programs such as Poker Night 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs. When I click on it, the system crashes. Under no circumstances will it run Diaper Changing 14.1 or House Cleaning 2.6.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!

*************************************************************************


FROM: Tech Support
TO: Jane
Subject: Upgrade Dangers

Yours is a common problem women complain about and is mostly due to a misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with Heart Break 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create Fat Belly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.

Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as Fix Broken Things 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and Best Friend 7.6.

A final word of caution! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother in Law 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until Mother In Law 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

Yeah well ...........
I am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately.

I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.

I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off.

I just run them separately, and it works okay.

GirlFriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Fishing 97 program, often trying to abort Fishing 97 with some sort of timing incompatibility.

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0.

Aftermonths of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0.

He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a TokenRing to run properly.

He was right. As soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway.

I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.

I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program.

It workedokay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system.

I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.

The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram.

Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality.

Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts.

And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version ofGirlFriend.

He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0.

So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0 which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else.

One ofthe primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.

Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try.

On top of that, Wife1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything.

Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.

I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself.

Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.

Any Ideas?

Can't Never Tried wrote:
Any Ideas?

I don't see the problem - sounds like the system is running normal to me.


If you had a gay friend they might recommend a Mac.

Another for the DMom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZnIaPl8BsM

Can't Never Tried wrote:Another for the DMom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZnIaPl8BsM

So he's saying fake diamonds are not a good thing??

what about if it comes with a forged appraisal from DeBeers

tomASS wrote:

Can't Never Tried wrote:Another for the DMom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZnIaPl8BsM

So he's saying fake diamonds are not a good thing??

what about if it comes with a forged appraisal from DeBeers

I recently got a treadmill for valentine's day...my revenge is to not use it

the video was very funny because it's all so true, sometimes I hate being such a stereotypical wife, and I have such a nice husband, poor guy

Can't Never Tried wrote:Another for the DMom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZnIaPl8BsM

I give.

while looking for something to rebut(t) this with, well, just let me say that I cannot believe the number of fat men who tape their farts and put them on youtube, too gross to post

DMom wrote:

tomASS wrote:

Can't Never Tried wrote:Another for the DMom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZnIaPl8BsM

So he's saying fake diamonds are not a good thing??

what about if it comes with a forged appraisal from DeBeers

I recently got a treadmill for valentine's day...my revenge is to not use it

the video was very funny because it's all so true, sometimes I hate being such a stereotypical wife, and I have such a nice husband, poor guy

Aren't we all !

DMom wrote: just let me say that I cannot believe the number of fat men who tape their farts and put them on youtube, too gross to post

One wasn't enough? just how many did you view ????

tomASS wrote:

DMom wrote: just let me say that I cannot believe the number of fat men who tape their farts and put them on youtube, too gross to post

One wasn't enough? just how many did you view ????

What does Fat have to do with it?
And I can't see how you have time to be on the computer!

Well here it is...looks like Mrs. Govs has had enough of his laziness, leaving stuff all over and his constant drinking.
Revenge is sweet!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWwj3d7qsFo

How many bored members will appear on this list? My money is on Slappy

sinbin006 wrote:How many bored members will appear on this list? My money is on Slappy

a government job, well that explains the high speed internet, the tech gadgets and all the spare time.....



course, as you can see, I have been taking CNT's wise advice for a happy home life

Had an impromptu open mic night at a family wedding over the weekend and you'd all be proud to know that your young virtual protegies were a big hit. The ten year old remembered most of the jokes I let him read and had quite a monologue going. He did have one that I had never heard before (and of coursethat's why he is now grounded). Here it is:

How do you get an elephant out of a tree?

You take the C out of C-A-T

and the F out of W-A-Y


but wait,

there's no F in way.

*rimshot*

i like it, haha

DMom wrote:Had an impromptu open mic night at a family wedding over the weekend and you'd all be proud to know that your young virtual protegies were a big hit. The ten year old remembered most of the jokes I let him read and had quite a monologue going. He did have one that I had never heard before (and of coursethat's why he is now grounded). Here it is:

How do you get an elephant out of a tree?

You take the C out of C-A-T

and the F out of W-A-Y


but wait,

there's no F in way.

Maybe a little of this is in the mouth may help

Two guys are fishing. The first guy, reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to pee in the boat."

DMoms kid told me this one!




Stuttering kitty...

A teacher is explaing biology to her 4th grade students,
Human beings are the only animals that stutter, she says.
A little girl raises her hand. I had a kitty-cat who stuttered,
she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories
could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

Well, she began, I was in the back yard with my kitty
and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start
and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our
yard!

That must've been scary, said the teacher.

It sure was, said the little girl. My kitty raised his back, went Ffff, Ffff, Ffff...

and, before he could say "F***", the Rottweiler ate him!.

The teacher wet her pants laughing.....

Well it's a no spin zone now for sure! and that's a factor

Can't Never Tried wrote:Well it's a no spin zone now for sure! and that's a factor

tom=ass goes over the line. Again.

Neutron 14 wrote:

Can't Never Tried wrote:Well it's a no spin zone now for sure! and that's a factor

tom=ass goes over the line. Again.

Wait till PB puts the knuckle whacker on him for shutting down one of his long threads....