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Anyone have any experience with burning out there son(s) or daughter(s) in the great sport of Hockey. What were the effects and what did you do about it?

Indians forever wrote:Anyone have any experience with burning out there son(s) or daughter(s) in the great sport of Hockey. What were the effects and what did you do about it?

Our players take off 6-8 weeks every off season. We found that this really helps the kids regain their passion. They are also multisport athletes.

When I think my kid is loosing interest, I take them to a game. I'd even consider a road trip to Chicago, St Louis or Detroit were enough time allowed.

However, I'm still trying to figure out if BURNOUT even exists or if it's simply a term only used by parents only as an excuse. When the kids see they're not making the A team, AAA team or the high school team there are usually a few reasons: not good enough or politics (sometimes the opposite sex and partying). Suddenly the parents start throwing this BURNOUT phrase out.

So is it BURNOUT or something else. I'll let you know in 6 years and hopefully not sooner!

mnhcp wrote:When I think my kid is loosing interest, I take them to a game. I'd even consider a road trip to Chicago, St Louis or Detroit were enough time allowed.

However, I'm still trying to figure out if BURNOUT even exists or if it's simply a term only used by parents only as an excuse. When the kids see they're not making the A team, AAA team or the high school team there are usually a few reasons: not good enough or politics (sometimes the opposite sex and partying). Suddenly the parents start throwing this BURNOUT phrase out.

So is it BURNOUT or something else. I'll let you know in 6 years and hopefully not sooner!

I'd lean to burnout. Have seen several come through our program that by the time they get to the end of the rainbow - i.e. high school team, their interests have waned and their skills have eroded due to lack of effort. Gotta give kids a break when they want one, even encourage them to take some time off. Today's game has evolved into a year round endeavor, but there's still time to take a break and still manage to keep up with the game.

Definitely burnout. Not sure there is much you can do though. The kids start out playing hockey because it's fun and they are with all their buddies. Then as they progress through PW and Bantams, they have to work harder to stay competitive - they see some of their good buddies get left behind - they see unfair politics play into team decisions - they experience over the top coaches who take all the fun out of the game - they feel pressure from their parents (sometimes real, sometimes pressure they imagine because they want them to be proud). Then about age 15 add in girls and a social life - friends outside their elite hockey team.

Suddenly, it's not all for fun anymore and somewhere along the line it became d@#* hard work. Not too tough to see why a day at the beach with the gang is not more attractive. They've also figured out they aren't all going to play D1 college or NHL no matter how many clinics they go to. They figure out they have one, maybe 2-3 years of hockey left. Why work so hard??? Burnout or just other interests? Not sure but if your kid is there - I think it's more the norm. Only a very few still have the same passion for the game at 15-17 that they did when they were 8. To many peoples great surprise, it's often the kids who always played C hockey that are the ones that still love to play the game. Enjoy the ride along the way - don't take it too seriously - it's a game folks. And the kids and parents make great friends, will always share great memories and spent wonderful time together. It's all worth it - no matter how long the ride lasts. Just remember, at some point, the ride always ends.

You are a wise man.

Doglover wrote:Definitely burnout. Not sure there is much you can do though. The kids start out playing hockey because it's fun and they are with all their buddies. Then as they progress through PW and Bantams, they have to work harder to stay competitive - they see some of their good buddies get left behind - they see unfair politics play into team decisions - they experience over the top coaches who take all the fun out of the game - they feel pressure from their parents (sometimes real, sometimes pressure they imagine because they want them to be proud). Then about age 15 add in girls and a social life - friends outside their elite hockey team.

Suddenly, it's not all for fun anymore and somewhere along the line it became d@#* hard work. Not too tough to see why a day at the beach with the gang is not more attractive. They've also figured out they aren't all going to play D1 college or NHL no matter how many clinics they go to. They figure out they have one, maybe 2-3 years of hockey left. Why work so hard??? Burnout or just other interests? Not sure but if your kid is there - I think it's more the norm. Only a very few still have the same passion for the game at 15-17 that they did when they were 8. To many peoples great surprise, it's often the kids who always played C hockey that are the ones that still love to play the game. Enjoy the ride along the way - don't take it too seriously - it's a game folks. And the kids and parents make great friends, will always share great memories and spent wonderful time together. It's all worth it - no matter how long the ride lasts. Just remember, at some point, the ride always ends.

Nice post and you hit the nail on the head - it is finally the player or ex-player (or maybe they have become a new type of playa ) who is making the decisions for what they want to do. The puppet strings are cut

If it has become work and not play, then it may be burnout. Take time off- if the desire returns and they want to go to the rink, then take them. Kyle Okposo took a year off as a 7th grader and found the passion again. There is nothing wrong with letting the kid explore other interests. If they do not miss it, then it is probably best that they try something else.

Sorno makes a good point. Taking some time off may be the perfect choice. The other problem that makes it all a bit tougher to figure out is that many kids at about age 15/16, get lazy (even if they were hard working before). They may not realize that once they start to take a little time off, it can become an addicting habit. That's where it's tough to offer parenting advise. As a parent, you hate to see a talented (or even not so talented) player quit because they just don't want to work that hard. It can set a bad "life" precedent. Tough to know - guess you just have to watch for signs.

In our house, we try to make them fulfill their commitments. If they sign up for a clinic because they tell you they want to do it, then they need to go and they need to finish the clinic. We give them the out to not sign up, but once they make a decision, they have to stick with it. Often they'll come home from a clinic/training session that we've had to threaten them to go to, and they are all pumped up to do more hockey. Go figure - teenagers.

I've seen some very talented, but very lazy players in my day. Sometimes parents need to be able to identify the difference and help the kids through these tough times - keep them focused - working hard for a goal. Sounds a bit like I reversed myself - but to those of you who have been through it - I know you know what I'm talking about.

Doglover wrote:Sorno makes a good point. Taking some time off may be the perfect choice. The other problem that makes it all a bit tougher to figure out is that many kids at about age 15/16, get lazy (even if they were hard working before). They may not realize that once they start to take a little time off, it can become an addicting habit. That's where it's tough to offer parenting advise. As a parent, you hate to see a talented (or even not so talented) player quit because they just don't want to work that hard. It can set a bad "life" precedent. Tough to know - guess you just have to watch for signs.

In our house, we try to make them fulfill their commitments. If they sign up for a clinic because they tell you they want to do it, then they need to go and they need to finish the clinic. We give them the out to not sign up, but once they make a decision, they have to stick with it. Often they'll come home from a clinic/training session that we've had to threaten them to go to, and they are all pumped up to do more hockey. Go figure - teenagers.

I've seen some very talented, but very lazy players in my day. Sometimes parents need to be able to identify the difference and help the kids through these tough times - keep them focused - working hard for a goal. Sounds a bit like I reversed myself - but to those of you who have been through it - I know you know what I'm talking about.

We've been fortunate with our player. He still seems to really enjoy being out there. This summer was the first he decided to take a real break, and it's done him wonders. He was away from all aspects of the game from April until the end of June and has come back with some real excitement. He had been going almost year round since the age of 11 and felt he wanted a break. His first high school season was a longer grind mentally than anything ever at the youth level, and simple recharging of the batteries was all he needed. Some golf, some hanging out with his friends, a new car, new job, etc...all led back to missing hockey and wanting to get back on the ice. Sometimes that's all it takes.

My suggestion to avoid burn-out is to listen to the kids themselves. I'm fortunate to be having my son leave in a couple of weeks for his D1 program that he worked hard for over many years. However, he only attended the camps that he wanted to attend, and played in the tournaments that he wanted to be a part of. Now, I understand that some kids are willing to do more than others, but we as parents can't give a child enthusiasm, we can only give them chances to try things and they have to find what they enjoy.

Blue&Gold wrote:My suggestion to avoid burn-out is to listen to the kids themselves. I'm fortunate to be having my son leave in a couple of weeks for his D1 program that he worked hard for over many years. However, he only attended the camps that he wanted to attend, and played in the tournaments that he wanted to be a part of. Now, I understand that some kids are willing to do more than others, but we as parents can't give a child enthusiasm, we can only give them chances to try things and they have to find what they enjoy.

Best of luck to your son!

Injuries and Bad situations have lead to Burnout for our High School age daughter this year, we asked her if she wanted to Quit hockey and she said no so we decided against alot of the camps where they just pressure the kids and constantly practice and have had her play in some lower level leagues this summer where they rarely practice and she has gotten to score alot, not worry about her skating, the coaches have made it really fun and she has come back to loving hockey.

It was the best thing for her because it wasn't the hockey that was draining her it was the constant training and pushing that wore her down.

I think it's best that when a kid starts to burn out it's best to give them some time off away from the pressure and let them do what they want a little bit. Then they come back refreshed.

Can't Never Tried wrote:

Blue&Gold wrote:My suggestion to avoid burn-out is to listen to the kids themselves. I'm fortunate to be having my son leave in a couple of weeks for his D1 program that he worked hard for over many years. However, he only attended the camps that he wanted to attend, and played in the tournaments that he wanted to be a part of. Now, I understand that some kids are willing to do more than others, but we as parents can't give a child enthusiasm, we can only give them chances to try things and they have to find what they enjoy.

Best of luck to your son!

Thanks!! It's been strange being away from here. My post count is back to 1 (now 2) as we had to remove my id and then rebuild it. Anyway, I'm back and will be rooting for those Spartans this fall.

Another note: I was actually accused of pushing my son, when in fact it was him pushing himself. I just drove the car.. My daughter did end up being burned out of the game, but she drove herself to it thinking that she had to play for us (me and the wife). Once it was clear that she didn't have to do it for us, she relaxed and was a happier person for it. I told my son early on that he was playing for him, not me. He plays soccer and fishes as well as takes his bike trips every summmer. He also left his senior year to play in the USHL and will be playing for a top-level hockey program for the next 4 years, on their nickel. But he's doing it for him, we just give him the opportunities to do it. If he had said he really didn't want to go to the USHL, or didn't want to leave the state to play, that would have been fine with us, but he was driven to be beyond where he is, without making it his total life. Oh, and all those camps in the summer, never attended any other than a skating camp (local) once a year just before season started..

The kids will tell us, we just have to be willing to listen and accept that perhaps they're not D1 prospects and let them enjoy being kids. If they are, they'll make it clear in their drive.

Blue&Gold wrote:

Can't Never Tried wrote:

Blue&Gold wrote:My suggestion to avoid burn-out is to listen to the kids themselves. I'm fortunate to be having my son leave in a couple of weeks for his D1 program that he worked hard for over many years. However, he only attended the camps that he wanted to attend, and played in the tournaments that he wanted to be a part of. Now, I understand that some kids are willing to do more than others, but we as parents can't give a child enthusiasm, we can only give them chances to try things and they have to find what they enjoy.

Best of luck to your son!

Thanks!! It's been strange being away from here. My post count is back to 1 (now 2) as we had to remove my id and then rebuild it. Anyway, I'm back and will be rooting for those Spartans this fall.

Another note: I was actually accused of pushing my son, when in fact it was him pushing himself. I just drove the car.. My daughter did end up being burned out of the game, but she drove herself to it thinking that she had to play for us (me and the wife). Once it was clear that she didn't have to do it for us, she relaxed and was a happier person for it. I told my son early on that he was playing for him, not me. He plays soccer and fishes as well as takes his bike trips every summmer. He also left his senior year to play in the USHL and will be playing for a top-level hockey program for the next 4 years, on their nickel. But he's doing it for him, we just give him the opportunities to do it. If he had said he really didn't want to go to the USHL, or didn't want to leave the state to play, that would have been fine with us, but he was driven to be beyond where he is, without making it his total life. Oh, and all those camps in the summer, never attended any other than a skating camp (local) once a year just before season started..

The kids will tell us, we just have to be willing to listen and accept that perhaps they're not D1 prospects and let them enjoy being kids. If they are, they'll make it clear in their drive.

Great advice. I hope to be on the same track. We've always said to our kids, your talent and desire will get you where you want to go, we'll drive. Again, great to hear that things work out the right way for those who take things at face value.

In my opinion, the best way to determine if you son or daughter are experiencing burn-out is to study their reaction the next time you tell them they have practice. If they don't look too enthused, you might want to have a talk with them to find out how they are feeling.

I also ask my kids every time they get off the ice if they had fun. If they aren't having fun, that should be an obvious sign that a break from hockey might be in order.

I think kids get burned out of their parent yelling at them constantly. Hockey's still fun, being bugged by mom and/or dad is draining.

blondegirlsdad wrote:I think kids get burned out of their parent yelling at them constantly. Hockey's still fun, being bugged by mom and/or dad is draining.

Yeah, but don't overlook the parents who get burned out, either. I know more than a few kids who would like to play more hockey year round, but their parents get sick of taking them to the rink.

And personally, I don't know of many parents who constantly yell at their kids as you say. I've seen a few, but the vast majority of the parents I know are good people who only want to see their kids have fun.

blondegirlsdad wrote:I think kids get burned out of their parent yelling at them constantly. Hockey's still fun, being bugged by mom and/or dad is draining.

I yell at my kid and I bug my kid frequently. However, never about hockey.

mnhcp wrote:

blondegirlsdad wrote:I think kids get burned out of their parent yelling at them constantly. Hockey's still fun, being bugged by mom and/or dad is draining.

I yell at my kid and I bug my kid frequently. However, never about hockey.

They will get even you know !

Can't Never Tried wrote:

mnhcp wrote:

blondegirlsdad wrote:I think kids get burned out of their parent yelling at them constantly. Hockey's still fun, being bugged by mom and/or dad is draining.

I yell at my kid and I bug my kid frequently. However, never about hockey.

They will get even you know !

Yeah mine have already plotted and picked out the assisted living care facility their going to dump me at.

>Yeah mine have already plotted and picked out the assisted living care facility their going to dump me at.

Make sure they get Vs. on their cable system.

alright as a kid, i experanced "burnout" at the end of my 2nd squirt season. but after my parents signed me up for a checking clinic that summer to get ready for peewees i found out hw much fun hitting is and it sparked my love for the game again and now hockey is the only thing i do.