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Can't Never Tried
Posts: 4345
Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 3:55 pm

Post by Can't Never Tried »

School 1960 vs. School 2007

Scenario:


Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into
school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

1960 - Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to
his car and gets his own shotgun to show Jack.

2007 - School goes into lockdown, the FBI is called, Jack is hauled
off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors
are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Scenario:

Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1960 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands
and end up buddies.

2007 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and
Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled
even though Johnny started it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Scenario:

Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1960 - Jeffrey is sent to the princ ipal's office and given a good
paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt
class again.

2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie.
Tested for ADD. School gets extra state funding because
Jeffrey has a disability.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx




Scenario:

Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car
and his Dad gives him a spanking.

1960 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes
to college, and becomes a successful businessman.


2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to
foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells
Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself
and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair
with the psychologist.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Scenario:


Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin
to school .

1960 - Mark shares aspirin with the school principal out on
the smoking dock.

2007 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from School for
drug violations. His car is searched for drugs and
weapons.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Scenario:

Pedro fails high-school English.

1960 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English,
goes to college.

2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by a local human rights group.
Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that
making English a requirement for graduation is racist.
American Civil Liberties Union files class action lawsuit
against the state school sys tem and Pedro's English
teacher. English is banned from core curriculum.

Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing
lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Scenario:

Johnny takes apart leftover Independence Day
firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane
paint bottle and blows up an anthill.

1960 - Ants die.

2007 - Homeland Security and the FBI are called and Johnny is
charged with domestic terrorism. Teams investigate
parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers
are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch
list and is never allowed to fly again.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Scenario:

Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his
knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying,
and gives him a hug to comfort him.

1960 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.

2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses
her job. She faces three years in federal prison.

Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.


:lol:
Can't Never Tried
Posts: 4345
Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 3:55 pm

Post by Can't Never Tried »

http://farts.typepad.com/fart-sound-board.swf

For the less sophisticated posters.......... :roll:
Neutron 14
Posts: 5339
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 12:48 pm

Post by Neutron 14 »

Image
The only soft spot I see is the one between my legs
Duluth 4
Posts: 537
Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:18 am
Location: Duluth

Post by Duluth 4 »

State Champ 97 wrote:True stories:
My uncle was fishing with a friend a few years back and sent the friend to the bait shop for some leeches. The friend returned with what he said were sevens and threes.
Not understanding, my uncle asked to see them.
"These aren't 7's and 3's they are Large and Medium."

Same uncle took his grandchildren ice fishing. He drilled a hole or two for tip ups outside the fishhouse. When his granddaughter asked what they were for he said when you catch a fish the flag goes up. As the kids were jigging inside the fish house his grandson caught a small perch. The girl looked out the window and said "That thing doesn't work."
i dont get eitehr of em
Release the Hounds. Trek to the X.
Govs93
Posts: 4367
Joined: Wed Jun 07, 2006 10:57 am
Location: Formerly Eastside - now Wayzata area

Post by Govs93 »

Not a joke per se, but here's another reason to be glad baseball is back... pranks!



Starter Kyle Kendrick traded to the Yomiuri Giants for Kobayashi Iwamura? A prank pulled right from the Phillies' archives.

The club created an official-looking document on its letterhead to help convince Kendrick, 23, that he was bound for Japan (granted, major leaguers cannot be traded to Japan, but Kendrick signed the papers in triplicate, according to the Phildelphia Inquirer). Flight info: 7:05 a.m. Sunday, Delta connection in Atlanta, then more than 14 hours in the air to Tokyo. "I don't know what to think right now," a stunned Kendrick told reporters inside the clubhouse in Clearwater, Fla.

Those in on the ruse included assistant GM Ruben Amaro Jr.; manager Charlie Manuel; pitcher Brett Myers;, Kendrick's agent, Joe Urbon; and Frank Coppenbarger, the Phillies' director of team travel and clubhouse service. The Inquirer said the chat with Kendrick took place in Manuel's office, with the manager and Myers miked by Comcast.

"They got me," Kendrick said. "I thought it was a done deal. I thought it really happened. Gosh, good thing it didn't." Phillies broadcaster Larry Andersen once pulled the same prank on former pitcher Wayne Gomes, the Inquirer said.
State Champ 97
Posts: 1970
Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 11:43 am
Location: Bemidji

Post by State Champ 97 »

Duluth 4 wrote:
State Champ 97 wrote:True stories:
My uncle was fishing with a friend a few years back and sent the friend to the bait shop for some leeches. The friend returned with what he said were sevens and threes.
Not understanding, my uncle asked to see them.
"These aren't 7's and 3's they are Large and Medium."

Same uncle took his grandchildren ice fishing. He drilled a hole or two for tip ups outside the fishhouse. When his granddaughter asked what they were for he said when you catch a fish the flag goes up. As the kids were jigging inside the fish house his grandson caught a small perch. The girl looked out the window and said "That thing doesn't work."
i dont get eitehr of em
:shock: :roll:
Neutron 14
Posts: 5339
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 12:48 pm

Post by Neutron 14 »

State Champ 97 wrote:
Duluth 4 wrote:
State Champ 97 wrote:True stories:
My uncle was fishing with a friend a few years back and sent the friend to the bait shop for some leeches. The friend returned with what he said were sevens and threes.
Not understanding, my uncle asked to see them.
"These aren't 7's and 3's they are Large and Medium."

Same uncle took his grandchildren ice fishing. He drilled a hole or two for tip ups outside the fishhouse. When his granddaughter asked what they were for he said when you catch a fish the flag goes up. As the kids were jigging inside the fish house his grandson caught a small perch. The girl looked out the window and said "That thing doesn't work."
i dont get eitehr of em
:shock: :roll:
I was going to clue him in, then realized with his spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar, there was no hope for me.

Maybe Bluesbuddy, but not me....
The only soft spot I see is the one between my legs
State Champ 97
Posts: 1970
Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 11:43 am
Location: Bemidji

Post by State Champ 97 »

Neutron 14 wrote:
State Champ 97 wrote:
Duluth 4 wrote: i dont get eitehr of em
:shock: :roll:
I was going to clue him in, then realized with his spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar, there was no hope for me.

Maybe Bluesbuddy, but not me....
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Can't Never Tried
Posts: 4345
Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 3:55 pm

Post by Can't Never Tried »

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they
begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes'.

The little girl screams to her brother

'Don't eat it, it's an a__hole !
Govs93
Posts: 4367
Joined: Wed Jun 07, 2006 10:57 am
Location: Formerly Eastside - now Wayzata area

Post by Govs93 »

Can't Never Tried wrote:A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they
begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes'.

The little girl screams to her brother

'Don't eat it, it's an a__hole !
:lol: :lol: :lol:



How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowblower?




Give her a shovel.
Can't Never Tried
Posts: 4345
Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 3:55 pm

Post by Can't Never Tried »

Govs93 wrote:
Can't Never Tried wrote:A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they
begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes'.

The little girl screams to her brother

'Don't eat it, it's an a__hole !
:lol: :lol: :lol:



How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowblower?




Give her a shovel.
Hand her the shovel! :P OOps didn't see the answer at the bottom but I knew it!! :lol:
Duluth 4
Posts: 537
Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:18 am
Location: Duluth

Post by Duluth 4 »

State Champ 97 wrote:
Neutron 14 wrote:
State Champ 97 wrote: :shock: :roll:
I was going to clue him in, then realized with his spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar, there was no hope for me.

Maybe Bluesbuddy, but not me....
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Alright perfect punctuation, what does the second joke mean? I get the first one but what about the second?
Release the Hounds. Trek to the X.
Can't Never Tried
Posts: 4345
Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 3:55 pm

Post by Can't Never Tried »

Duluth 4 wrote:
State Champ 97 wrote:
Neutron 14 wrote: I was going to clue him in, then realized with his spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar, there was no hope for me.

Maybe Bluesbuddy, but not me....
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Alright perfect punctuation, what does the second joke mean? I get the first one but what about the second?
:oops:
I'm sorry but put this on Image and read both again!
If you still don't get it PM the watcher for advise! :P
State Champ 97
Posts: 1970
Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 11:43 am
Location: Bemidji

Post by State Champ 97 »

You can also pm me is you need an explanation. But I won't be sending you to the bait store. :D 8)
EREmpireStrikesBack
Posts: 5140
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 3:28 am
Location: Minnesota

Post by EREmpireStrikesBack »

Neutron 14 wrote:
State Champ 97 wrote:
Duluth 4 wrote: i dont get eitehr of em
:shock: :roll:
I was going to clue him in, then realized with his spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar, there was no hope for me.

Maybe Bluesbuddy, but not me....
You should have known by just realizing the screenname. Come on now...

:idea:
Elk River AA State Champions- 2001 Boys & 2004 Girls
Duluth 4
Posts: 537
Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:18 am
Location: Duluth

Post by Duluth 4 »

EREmpireStrikesBack wrote:
Neutron 14 wrote:
State Champ 97 wrote: :shock: :roll:
I was going to clue him in, then realized with his spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar, there was no hope for me.

Maybe Bluesbuddy, but not me....
You should have known by just realizing the screenname. Come on now...

:idea:
funny.
Release the Hounds. Trek to the X.
EREmpireStrikesBack
Posts: 5140
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 3:28 am
Location: Minnesota

Post by EREmpireStrikesBack »

Duluth 4 wrote:
EREmpireStrikesBack wrote:
Neutron 14 wrote: I was going to clue him in, then realized with his spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar, there was no hope for me.

Maybe Bluesbuddy, but not me....
You should have known by just realizing the screenname. Come on now...

:idea:
funny.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

:idea:
Elk River AA State Champions- 2001 Boys & 2004 Girls
Duluth 4
Posts: 537
Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:18 am
Location: Duluth

Post by Duluth 4 »

EREmpireStrikesBack wrote:
Duluth 4 wrote:
EREmpireStrikesBack wrote: You should have known by just realizing the screenname. Come on now...

:idea:
funny.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

:idea:
I was under the education of your colleague last year.
Release the Hounds. Trek to the X.
hawkfan70
Posts: 1316
Joined: Wed Feb 16, 2005 9:59 am
Location: City of Hockey in Minnesota

Post by hawkfan70 »

Duluth 4 wrote:
EREmpireStrikesBack wrote:
Duluth 4 wrote: funny.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

:idea:
I was under the education of your colleague last year.
:lol: :D :lol: :shock: :lol: :) :lol: :roll: :lol:
tomASS
Posts: 2512
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 10:18 pm
Location: Chaska

Post by tomASS »

hawkfan70 wrote:
Duluth 4 wrote:
EREmpireStrikesBack wrote: :lol: :lol: :lol:

:idea:
I was under the education of your colleague last year.
:lol: :D :lol: :shock: :lol: :) :lol: :roll: :lol:
this is starting to look like an etch-a-sketch board
EREmpireStrikesBack
Posts: 5140
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 3:28 am
Location: Minnesota

Post by EREmpireStrikesBack »

Duluth 4 wrote:
EREmpireStrikesBack wrote:
Duluth 4 wrote: funny.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

:idea:
I was under the education of your colleague last year.
I have a colleague?

:idea:
Elk River AA State Champions- 2001 Boys & 2004 Girls
Duluth 4
Posts: 537
Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:18 am
Location: Duluth

Post by Duluth 4 »

EREmpireStrikesBack wrote:
Duluth 4 wrote:
EREmpireStrikesBack wrote: :lol: :lol: :lol:

:idea:
I was under the education of your colleague last year.
I have a colleague?

:idea:
My bad. Classmate. Darn Elk River education.
Release the Hounds. Trek to the X.
hawkfan70
Posts: 1316
Joined: Wed Feb 16, 2005 9:59 am
Location: City of Hockey in Minnesota

Post by hawkfan70 »

Duluth 4 wrote:
EREmpireStrikesBack wrote:
Duluth 4 wrote: I was under the education of your colleague last year.
I have a colleague?

:idea:
My bad. Classmate. Darn Elk River education.
what is that called again
an oxymoron :?:
EREmpireStrikesBack
Posts: 5140
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 3:28 am
Location: Minnesota

Post by EREmpireStrikesBack »

hawkfan70 wrote:
Duluth 4 wrote:
EREmpireStrikesBack wrote: I have a colleague?

:idea:
My bad. Classmate. Darn Elk River education.
what is that called again
an oxymoron :?:
You're right. I should charged double. :wink:

:idea:
Elk River AA State Champions- 2001 Boys & 2004 Girls
hawkfan70
Posts: 1316
Joined: Wed Feb 16, 2005 9:59 am
Location: City of Hockey in Minnesota

Post by hawkfan70 »

EREmpireStrikesBack wrote:
hawkfan70 wrote:
Duluth 4 wrote: My bad. Classmate. Darn Elk River education.
what is that called again
an oxymoron :?:
You're right. I should charged double. :wink:

:idea:
that would have taken alot of fingers and toes to figure that out
:lol:
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