A perennial member of PB's Top Ten Most Wanted passed away. In recent years, I thought George became a little too stiff with his standup - I always thought his material was funny, but he became much more of a story teller - there wasn't as much free flow to his routine, but the guy was always a genius. As much as I tended to agree with him politically, it wasn't even that part of his act that I was drawn to - I always liked how he found absurdity in just regular everyday things. The differences between baseball and football was one of his best bits.
On a side note, when I was a kid, my dad had a record stand at the house that was used in retail stores, and it had the following promo poster on top of it. I always thought it was kind of interesting, but it wasn't until I was about 16 that I realized just how funny it was:
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
I saw Carlin about a year and a half ago and he did his entire show by reading his bits off of sheets of paper. He said he was doing new material but it just looked like he wasn't in good health.
During the final half hour of the show Carlin made few people laugh. It turned into a political rant with few if any punch lines. He went on about how he was for nuclear proliferation and was anxious to see what nukes were capable of doing. Is this what happens to a 1960's counterculturist when they see that peace isn't happening and their time is getting short? His message was, torch the world because I'm going soon anyway. Who knows......but when he was on he was one of the greats.
