Advice needed

[hemiman]

I would like some help from the people of this forum. Here is my dilemma:

I have a daughter, she will be a freshman in H.S. this year. She will try-out for the H.S. team, because of possible nepotism she may not make the squad. She can return to u14. Which is fine w/ us, but we do not want to see her play for the 14A coach again, for several reasons.

If she is passed up by the H.S. squad. What would be the best course to follow:
1: Skip u14 tryouts and play B
2: Try hard and play 14A, even though the coach is sub par
3: find another association, that will let her make the A level,
as a transfer
4:Go to a private school
5: Call it a career if she doesn't make the H.S. team

I have talked to 2 other families, who if their kids don't make J.V. they wont play for the 14A coach again(that is 3 families out of 14 who wont return to this coach, plus 5 who are too old to return. so 1/3 of elidgible players wont play for this coach again.)
Basically, I have respect for your opinions and based on the info given what would some of you do in this situation?

[hockeya1a]

I would like some help from the people of this forum. Here is my dilemma:

I have a daughter, she will be a freshman in H.S. this year. She will try-out for the H.S. team, because of possible nepotism she may not make the squad. She can return to u14. Which is fine w/ us, but we do not want to see her play for the 14A coach again, for several reasons.

If she is passed up by the H.S. squad. What would be the best course to follow:
1: Skip u14 tryouts and play B
2: Try hard and play 14A, even though the coach is sub par
3: find another association, that will let her make the A level,
as a transfer
4:Go to a private school
5: Call it a career if she doesn't make the H.S. team

I have talked to 2 other families, who if their kids don't make J.V. they wont play for the 14A coach again(that is 3 families out of 14 who wont return to this coach, plus 5 who are too old to return. so 1/3 of elidgible players wont play for this coach again.)
Basically, I have respect for your opinions and based on the info given what would some of you do in this situation?

No mater what anyone else says ultimately it is your decision, Let me tell you that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence, And going private may seem logical but the same thing can happen there and there are no guarantees that someone else will not transfer in start the waves rolling again.

I would have my Daughter get in the best shape she can before tryouts and tell her to take it seriously and work her butt off. She needs to be positive about it, even if there is nepotism she will have to change the coach’s mind with hard work and a great attitude.

If your Daughter plays F of D there are plenty of chances to make the team if she is a goalie and they are abundant it might be a bit tougher but not impossible.
No matter what you decide let your daughter do it pulling her from her friends is a tough thing too. Good luck

[northerngal65]

I am a total "newbie" to this but I will do my best to respond.

My first thought was what does your daughter want? Does she play the game because she loves the sport? What are her future aspirations when it comes to hockey?

I support my daughter in her goals but I don't push her into doing something she doesn't want to do. I am, by no means, saying that you are doing that. My point is to talk with your daughter to see how she feels and what she wants with the sport of hockey. After you have done that, it may make your decision much easier, whatever that decision may be.

Good luck!

[SECoach]

I would like some help from the people of this forum. Here is my dilemma:

I have a daughter, she will be a freshman in H.S. this year. She will try-out for the H.S. team, because of possible nepotism she may not make the squad. She can return to u14. Which is fine w/ us, but we do not want to see her play for the 14A coach again, for several reasons.

If she is passed up by the H.S. squad. What would be the best course to follow:
1: Skip u14 tryouts and play B If you believe she is talented enough to play high school does it make any sense for her to play 14B? I'd say not a chance regardless of the so called quality of coaching at 14A
2: Try hard and play 14A, even though the coach is sub par This is the only viable option, if this is where her talent level is at, even though the coach is "subpar"
3: find another association, that will let her make the A level,
as a transfer My opinion is that this is something parents with an inaccurate assessment of their child's talent do. "They must be wrong or unfair so I will go somewhere else.
4:Go to a private school For athletic reasons? Again, a parents refusal to accept the assessment of their child's level of talent, commitment, or maturity. Do you think your perceived unfairness only exists where she currently plays?
5: Call it a career if she doesn't make the H.S. team If she wants to, then yes. Otherwise you will spend the next several years going insane trying to figure out how to get around the unfair practices, that likely don't exist and go along ways to setting your daughter off on a great life of insanity herself.

I have talked to 2 other families, who if their kids don't make J.V. they wont play for the 14A coach again(that is 3 families out of 14 who wont return to this coach, plus 5 who are too old to return. so 1/3 of elidgible players wont play for this coach again.)
Basically, I have respect for your opinions and based on the info given what would some of you do in this situation?

Since I'm sure you ask this question because you truly believe these things, I'll try to help out with a little reality.

First off, you only list one reason your daughter may not make the JV team at her school. Nepotism. Are there any other reasons she may not make it? I can assure you that 99.9% of the time the only reasons that freshman players do not make a high school team is talent and maturity. Although this is not by definition nepotism, programs differ in their thoughts on, with similar talent levels, whether an upper classman should be chosen over an underclassman. That is a coach's right to build the team in the way they believe is best. Like it or not.

Now, your questions on what her options are. I've given my thought in bold next to your questions above.

When you say you have talked to two other families that won't play U14 if they don't make the high school.......In other words...lets form a posse or protest group and try to pressue the high school coach and/or association director into making decisions that a group of uninformed parents feel are the right decisions. You speak of nepotism yet you participate in conversations that can only drive bad practices.

Lastly, my advise is to stop trying to figure out what will happen with high school/U14 tryouts. You are looking for answers that the decision makers don't know yet. How many players will show up for high school tryouts can't be known by anyone until November 2nd. Therefore, who will make teams can't be determined by ANYONE until that time.

Your other option is to lose your mind for the next 10 weeks looking for answers that don't yet exist while at the same time driving your daughter away from the program she wants to be a part of and the game she allegedly wants to play. For your daughter's benefit, i wish you all the best. Your only viable option is to chill out or at least hide the fact that you can't, see what happens at high school tryouts, and then let your daughter decide what she wants to do if the high school staff decides that their program is not the best fit for your daughter at this time.

[nmnhockeydad]

I would like some help from the people of this forum. Here is my dilemma:

I have a daughter, she will be a freshman in H.S. this year. She will try-out for the H.S. team, because of possible nepotism she may not make the squad. She can return to u14. Which is fine w/ us, but we do not want to see her play for the 14A coach again, for several reasons.

If she is passed up by the H.S. squad. What would be the best course to follow:
1: Skip u14 tryouts and play B
2: Try hard and play 14A, even though the coach is sub par
3: find another association, that will let her make the A level,
as a transfer
4:Go to a private school
5: Call it a career if she doesn't make the H.S. team

I have talked to 2 other families, who if their kids don't make J.V. they wont play for the 14A coach again(that is 3 families out of 14 who wont return to this coach, plus 5 who are too old to return. so 1/3 of elidgible players wont play for this coach again.)
Basically, I have respect for your opinions and based on the info given what would some of you do in this situation?

What happens when she hates the high school coach, or another 14A coach, or her softball coach, or her choir teacher, or...you get the picture. Do not base your decisions on who this 14A coach is or isn't base it on what is best for your daughter, not for you.

[hemiman]

I agree w/ everyone that ultimately it is her choice and it has always been that way w/ us. It is her decision and I will support her and offer advice along the way.


A1A; that was the first thing we discussed, work hard over the next few months so there is no question you belong.

SEC: I think you read too much into things. We wouldn't leave the Association because she was cut, it would be to try out for another A team and not endure another year w/ the current A coach.
I did not form a posse to force the Assoc. to not bring back the coach. Their decision is done, the coach will be back. (for reasons I cant understand) I asked to see if maybe I needed to rethink my decision. I respect these other families. My discussion goes no further than the arena we were at. (and here, I guess) Why do you think we are uninformed, our girls all played for this coach last year and we witnessed it first hand. Is it because we are parents and not coaches,not on the board. I played hockey,as did the other two dads, growing up. I am not an expert, nut I feel I understand the game enough to make a fair judgement.

I don't think I misjudge my daughters talent level. I don't have Brad Frost on speed dial. Sure my kid could tank at try outs and the coaches kid could play well. I didn't mean to imply that nepotism would be the only way she could get cut. I do believe, if both kids are at their best, my daughter is a better player.

The reason I brought this up is because I feel a little stressed about making the wrong choice and hindering her development. Frankly, I feel if I give her the wrong advice this could be her last season. She is a solid player, not a superstar. She loves to play and I enjoy watching her.
Usually I could care less what team she makes, she played 14A last year and if the coach was better I wouldn't mind if she didn't make the H.S. team and went back too Assoc. hockey. I honestly don't feel that a return to th14A's is a good option.

[Melvin44]

First of all let me say I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.

Life is very difficult and this decision will probably be one of the easiest.

My advice is of course ask your daughter what she wants to do. Let her know all the options without making your or other parents feelings known and let her make the decision. Have her play in a HS fall league and see how she does against older girls. Many players are dominant at U14A and struggle at the HS level as girls are bigger and stronger.

As far as coaching. I've always felt that many people will always have a problem no matter who the coach is and it's always the coach’s fault. She's a freshman and will have 3 more years to play High School Hockey if she doesn't make the team.

I say let her play U14A if she doesn't make HS. Talk with the U14A coach and explain your feelings and see if it makes a difference. (Never assume he won't listen) Of course he might not and then you'll know for yourself. I hear and see so many parents who just leave or complain to others without talking to a coach. If I were the coach I'd listen to your concerns and try to help you understand why I coach the way I do. I would hope most coaches would do the same.

If her only option is to play U14B for your association. I might consider maybe trying another association at U14A or maybe a program like Fhit where she could get the coaching you feel she needs. Yes it's expensive but if you truly want good coaching? She will get better and be ready for next year.

If your daughter loves hockey. Don't give up on her if she doesn't make the HS team. Hockey is also about friendships. No matter what level?

[SECoach]

1) A posse is a posse whether you start it or join it. I also didn't say it would be to remove the coach. Actions that discredit the coach are just as harmful. Have you spoken with your association to ensure that this coach is getting the education and help he needs to be better? Also, good coaches learn from everything they do. It sounds like last season had lots of lessons. Very, very few girls would choose to not play, or play down because they think the coach isnt qualified.

2) You and the other dads played hockey so you feel you are able to judge whether the current coach is qualified. Playing and coaching are two entirely different animals. I know if i could play or coach from the stands I would be incredible at both. I will also assume that with that comment, your issues with the coach are hockey issues and not issues of character. If they involve character, different story. I think the oldest past time is being critical of coaching decisions. I understand that and it's part of how adults enjoy spectating and socializing but the options you mention seem extreme (playing 14B so she can play for a better coach? C'mon). I'm sorry but you asked. I have a hard time believing that three dads that are questioning whether their daughters will play with the A team, or even play at all because they think the coach is weak are thinking straight. They may have a great understanding of the game but their thinking is obviously clouded when it pertains to their own daughter. Are the assistant positions filled? It sounds like there are 3 guys that could offer to help.

3) Is the coach's daughter the only player she will try out against? If not, why is she the focus of your post? Most if not all parents misjudge their players talent. That's who we focus on and that's who we raised and love. This is why the coaches pick the team.

4) You mention that your daughter is not a superstar. If that's the case, and I believe in almost any case, why are you worried about making a mistake and hindering her development? If she is truly a high school player she will take responsibility for her development no matter who her coach is. She will enjoy the game more even with a little less development if she also gets a little less stress from you.

I apologize if this sounds sarcastic in places but I truly am interested in helping your daughter get to where she will enjoy herself and love the game. The bottom line is when i see a post that offers up cop outs for why their daughter won't make a team or shouldn't play for another it gets to me. No where is this more prevelant than at the U14/High School point in girl's hockey. Parents and players have come to expect underclassman to make the high school team and none of the U14 coaches are good enough in their eyes. I truly believe this is often due to the parents' overwhelming desire for their daughter to play high school and not U14. This has been slowly changing and will hopefully continue to change. When only the truly gifted players go to a high school team when they have U14 eligibility left we will know that girl's hockey has reached a good place. In the meantime parents, and not so much players, will begin to feel the heavy anxiety starting in early August and continuing to the first Monday in November. I feel for your situation, I've been there. It's no fun, but for our kids sake parents need to at least present a front that we can just get out of the way and things will take care of themselves. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

[SECoach]

[quote="Melvin44"]

Life is very difficult and this decision will probably be one of the easiest.

Melvin.....why can you always say in a short sentence what I need a page to say? Had I known you were posting a great post at the same time I was writing my book, I would have skipped mine and spent some time with my kids. You are a great role hockey parent role model. We need more.

[dochockey]

I have seen so much hockey through the past 40 years, there are 2 things that hold true. 1) hard work beats talent every single time. and 2) Hockey is the most political sport out there.

If your daughter loves hockey like you say, give her the opportunitty to work hard to improve, get her many different coaches during the offseasons and have her work out with older girls, and she will find her game. She won't excell playing someone elses game so when she does play High School Hockey make sure that she is in a system she's comfortable playing.

As for Hockey being political, the coaches on this board will tell you that no coach would hurt his team because he doesn't like someone. But we all know of someone that is held back for political reasons. There's not much you can do about that. Try to find her a team where she can develop into the player she wants to be.

Most of all if she truely loves it, and wants to get better, it will happen for her. I can't tell you how many times I have heard from a coach about a future superstar, only to watch that star fizzle because of being pushed to hard or her not being dedicated enough, make sure the opportunitties are available to your daughter and give her gentle nudges in the right direction but she will find the level of hockey she is comfortable playing by the amount of hard work she choses to put in.

[chickendance]

Well said Melvin

[hemiman]

SEC,
It seems that you think I (we) are attacking this coach. Let me say we are not. At least on my part I haven't complained to the assoc. or the coach. These families families who I talked to aren't considering whether or not their girls will make the A team, but based on last year, they wont even try-out to play for the current coach.

My feelings about last year is that as a team they didn't improve throughout the season. Individually, I cant say that any one girl improved between November and March. The coach had anger issues, screaming on the bench, throwing stuff in the lockerroom, was seperated from a player, during a game, by the assistant coach. No, the player was not getting in the coaches face, from where I was standing I could see the player very well and she said nothing to the coach, she just stood there and started to cry. I did talk w/ a friend of the assistant coach, and was told the the head coach would ask for advice and then never take it. Lastly we did have a player quit midseason. Her dad said it was because of the coach playing favorites.
I still don't understand the posse thing. I asked for their feelings on the issue, they shared them with me. I really dont care if the Assoc. keeps this coach around for years to come. I do believe the coach didn't do a good job last year and I dont feel it is worth the $1500 to put my daughter through another season. If my kid says she wants to go out for the 14A's, yeah, I'll let her because that is where she wants to be. I brought this up because it is a new one for me and wanted to see what people think. I am not stressing her out w/ this. Like I said earlier, I told her to work hard and be ready for the first round of tryouts, if you want to play H.S. Other than that we don't talk about this right now.

[SECoach]

If your original post contained only one of the standard issue statements I would not be so focused on where your head is at with this. When you add them all up: Bad coach last year, nepotism this year, looking for somewhere else to play, take the year off, etc in my mind it becomes pretty clear. It's nice you have gotten several second opinions. This is just mine. I do think that it is symtomatic that rather than considering my opinion, you take issue with it and pick apart the little details. I'm ok with that but i think it says something about the situation.

I could sum up all of my long posts by saying relax and let your daughter do what she wants to do, within some boundries. If you can truly do that you and your daughter will have a much more enjoyable experience. Sometimes the most growth occurs in difficult situations. I fully admit that my focus could be wrong in your case. I finished my residency a long time ago and I've seen these symtoms many times before. Good luck.

[royals dad]

SEC I think your advice seems a little coach centric. I have had parents that had perspective issues before so I have seen it from the coach’s side. However, I can’t tell you how many times I was on a bench or in the stands thinking, why would any parent let this clown coach their kids. I know the training the hockey coach has received because I have been through the same training, and yet they lack any perspective on what it is they are involved in. What possible indiscretion could a 14 year old player possibly do, that would require a verbal tirade like what was described above. A coach needs to have the mental stability and know how to take an emotionally charged situation and turn into something other than tirade.

Hemiman the problem I have is that it appears you took a passive stance last year, you should have gone through your association’s complaint process when the incident above happened (I’m making the assumption from your posts above that you didn’t). If you had maybe the coach would not be there now.

I completely disagree with the mentality that you should go with the flow or just grin and bear it. It is your daughter, she will most likely never earn a dime from hockey but if she cares about it and it’s a part of her life then you need to help her through this dilemma. Don’t form a posse, talk directly to the coach, you’re an adult maybe there is another side. You were on the team last year your not out of line to try and have a dialogue about it. If that doesn’t work look at your association by laws and coaches code of conduct, if the coach’s behavior warrants it go to the board if not look for a waiver. If you cant make it work in your association look for other options if you can waiver that might be an OK option. I like to think it is a last option, I would think the last thing you want to teach your kid is to quit and run away when things get hard. At the same time there is a time to part ways when you have exhausted your options and are in a bad situation. If more parents talked to coaches and associations rather than just to each other in the stands we probably would see fewer of these guys behind the bench.

Good luck to you and to your daughter in the upcoming season.

[SECoach]

Royals Dad....great post and i think it's healthy discussion. You are right that my perspective is often too coach centric. I'd like to think that i always try to keep my perspective kid centric but i'm not always successful.

Hemi mans post states that not one player learned anything. I don't buy it. He later states that there has been unreasonable behavior. A agree that this is unacceptable. I've also seen coaches that behaved poorly grow into some of the best coaches. Your advice to address it directly and positively with the coach, and then the administration is right on. I'm still not convinced of the situation that was laid out, but who am i to say?
I have seen descriptions of coaches that virtually mirror Hemimans and it turns out it is an unrealistic parent with a great coach. I've also seen it the other way.

I belong to an association that goes to great lengths to educate its coaches and remove those that won't or can't buy in to a positive experience. We also spend an enormous amount to time and effort to educate parents. We are trying to do more.

Good talk.

[hemiman]

I had voiced my concerns in the end of the year evaluation, we parents fill out. We only had one problem w/ the coach regarding my daughter and that was 3/4 of the way into the season. It involved my choice to hold my daughter out of a 9pm practice because she had to be up and out of the house by 5am the next morning, for a school function. The coach yelled at her when my daughter informed her about not being there. In the coaches eyes it wasnt a legitimate excuse. I thought school came first. Other than that the things I witnessed didn't involve my daughter, so I didn't feel it was my place to get involved.
Maybe, I was too passive. However we all know that sometimes the squeaky wheel doesn't get the grease. Their kid gets blackballed. I have seen it in hockey and fastpitch, and no not with my kid.
I don't know if my daughter could continue to improve under this coach, I don't believe she improved over the course of last year. Unless the coach got some life lessons and learned a thing or two over the summer. Imagine your daughter playing for the same coach, after you didnt feel she improved the first year. If this wasn't her last year of association hockey it wouldn't be a big deal, there is always next year. She wants to play H.S. I would love to see it happen.
Do you guys feel a player, not in the top 5, can still move on from 14 to H.S. w/o proper coaching? That is my concern. Numbers not being an issue.

[royals dad]

She wants to play H.S. I would love to see it happen.
Do you guys feel a player, not in the top 5, can still move on from 14 to H.S. w/o proper coaching? That is my concern. Numbers not being an issue.

If you live anywhere near the metro you have more options than any other spot in the USA for continued development. If you have some supplemented coaching such as velocity, Os, Acceleration, MM,.... then the association ice time she gets will be beneficial regardless of what the coach does. On that note though I'm a little bit with SEC, unless the coach is doing something like making them wear skate guards while they are on the ice I think they will improve just by pushing hard in every drill, finding edges, trying to be quick in the first two steps....

The other thing I think really helps, make time to squeeze in as many girls HS and college hockey games as you can. They are cheap and on any given night there is one going on. You can talk about what your seeing, find players who are the same size or style as your daughter and watch what they do. From drills on you tube to expensive camps to park hockey. If they have the dream and will do the work there is 100 ways from Sunday to help feed it.

I feel lucky as a parent my kids like many of the same sports I do (not basketball). If they don't have the chance to improve the coach might contribute but I do to.

[SECoach]

I guess i got duped. You had me believing the real problem was his actions, charactor, and he's not a good role model. I guess if none of the girls are getting any better you have nothing to worry about. She has just as much chance as the rest of them. So now, without the sarcasm. None of the fine advice you've been getting will do any good unless the real issue gets addressed. I'm telling you this is like deja vu. If you are serious about helping your daughter get the most out of her hockey experience you should address this with the proper people. I'm sure your association has the resources to help and if not then the District does. Talk first with the coach, if you are not comfortable then talk with the girl's director or the person responsible for the girl's teams. If this doesn't get you what you need then your association has an ACE coordinator who can help. If you find you can't get comfortable then contact your district ACE Director. Every Minnesota Hockey district has one. I am positive that they can help whether it is the coach, the parent, the player, or all three that need it. If that doesn't do the trick then contact the state ACE Director. Let me know how it goes. Send me a PM if you need the contact info. Again, i wish you and your daughter the best

[Thunderbird77]

Hemiman -

A wise father once told me that hockey development was a lot more about what you do in the off season than what happens during the season. The beauty of this philosophy is that the hockey season is short - 4 months in comparison to the off season and you are the one who controls what happens during this time.

There are also alot of things your daughter could do on her own during the season if you think the U14 team is not providing the appropriate level of development. Most of them cost little to no money. Stick handle in the basement, set up a shooting area in the garage, play pond hockey at the local park.

I guess my answer to your original question is 2: Try hard and play 14A, even though the coach is sub par. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

[hemiman]

T-bird, I totally agree with your post. Summer work pays off. However during the season I think it is a little difficult to expect a kid to work on her own so much, considering you play 5-6 days a week, plus school and homework and various other activites. I figure a one hour practice will take up 2 1/2 to 3 hours of time a night, From the time you leave for practice until you return home. Thats why I would expect a little development from the coach, if your comitting that much time and money to the regular season.
As far as getting the coach help, every time someone expressed a concern. The coach's reply was that she was preparing the girls for High School. I can say from my older girls experience playing for the previous 2 H.S. coaches, neither coach acted the way this coach has.

[SECoach]

If you have approached the coach and not gotten an answer that you are comfortable with, go to the next step. As you climb the ladder you will either get things in better order or will realize that you have a different perspective than others. Either way it will help your daughter. I just realized in an earlier post you mentioned fear of being blackballed. I don't believe that happens with any regularity, but if things are as bad as you say then for your daughters and the other players benefit, it should be worth the risk.

I hear you giving a lot of reasons why things can't be improved. A positive, supportive attitude will go a long way. Regardless of what association you are with you can get to someone along the way that is willing and able to help. It may be at the district or state leve but they are definately there. That i can assure you of.

"If you think you can, you are right, if you think you can't, you are also right" Something like that.

[inthestands]

T-bird, I totally agree with your post. Summer work pays off. However during the season I think it is a little difficult to expect a kid to work on her own so much, considering you play 5-6 days a week, plus school and homework and various other activites. I figure a one hour practice will take up 2 1/2 to 3 hours of time a night, From the time you leave for practice until you return home. Thats why I would expect a little development from the coach, if your comitting that much time and money to the regular season.
As far as getting the coach help, every time someone expressed a concern. The coach's reply was that she was preparing the girls for High School. I can say from my older girls experience playing for the previous 2 H.S. coaches, neither coach acted the way this coach has.

Things change with time, and change is good. Those are a couple of phrases you hear over and over in hockey as well as life.

There are a number of things that as a parent we can't change. The coach of any team sets direction for that team. As players, they can ask for help in understanding the program and what they can do to get better. Depending on the coach, they may even be able to question why something is being done, but that is best saved for the right time and place.

Since team improvement is subjective to many different views, that is best left to documented measurements prior to, and season end as well as the teams record. Niether of those things are left up to anyone's determination of improvement. They either got better or they didn't.

Does your daughter have fun playing hockey? Mine does. It wouldn't matter what team she is on, outside of playing with the closest group of friends usually makes the experience better. The younger the player, the more important that becomes.

Worry less about the coaching styles and percieved outcomes. Worry more about what will give your player the best hockey experience. If improvement is one of your keys, most of that will take place off ice and off season. Get use to that.

One last thing, saying they will not play for a certain coach in the offseason is much different that actually not playing when the season roles around.

[SuperStar]

Or you can do what I did with my kids....Which is MOVE across town and win a State Championship in HIGH SCHOOL..

Don't beleive the old saying "the grass is NOT always greener on the other side" cause sometimes, it really is...!!

[joxs]

Follow the Thoroughbreds this year and have your daughter tryout next summer. This is a highly dedicated group of women that really want to play.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Minnesota ... 3904907683

[inthestands]

Or you can do what I did with my kids....Which is MOVE across town and win a State Championship in HIGH SCHOOL..

Don't beleive the old saying "the grass is NOT always greener on the other side" cause sometimes, it really is...!!

Who was the grass greener for, you or her?