can a coach be a bully ?

[Hockeylogger]

What is bullying and what parents these days consider bullying are two very different things. Most parents would consider a coach a bully unless they give their kid a regular shift on Varsity and constantly tell them how good they are. No matter the kids attitude or work ethic they deserve everything in the world and if coaches don't give it to them they are bullying them. Parents are ruining the game for both coaches and kids. If some kids cared as much about the game as their parents cared about how much playing time the problem might solve itself. Parents have become so caught up in the time and money that they have invested over the past 10 years that when all their dreams don't come true it has to be someone else's fault. These parents will stop at nothing to exact revenge and make the coaches lives a living hell. I have seen this numerous times in my life where very good, non bully coaches have been forced out by parents that could care less about a hockey program as soon as little Johnny graduates. It also appears to be getting worse in the last 5 years.

[imlisteningtothefnsong]

I think the Coaches problems began when the parents started calling their kids "buddy".
"Let's go, buddy. Great job, buddy, You are the greatest buddy, Let's get some hand sanitizer on you buddy, okay buddy, now I mean it, one....two.... Buddy don't make me say three.... One....two.... Buddy I mean it.....

Every time I hear a kid get called buddy, I instantly get a gag reflex.
How can you coach a bunch of the parents' buddies?????

[HockeyBum]

Hey mommy, think about this, teenaged boy are more of bullies to other teenaged boys than any coach could be. Mom, you ever been in the locker room? Turn away go the other direction, you don't want to know what your buddy, little Jonny is capable of. Aside from pampering the little boy, you should straighten him out at home before sending him out into the big bad world and stop thinking he's innocent or being picked on. If a coach stepped even close to the same line that kids cross daily with each other they would be doing 10-20yrs and registering as a sextual predator. With that said some coaches are A holes and the system takes care of itself and these guys don't last long and the word gets around. Bullying is a serious offense don't water it down being the one that calls foul when it really isn't. Grow some balls.

[JSR]

I think the Coaches problems began when the parents started calling their kids "buddy".
"Let's go, buddy. Great job, buddy, You are the greatest buddy, Let's get some hand sanitizer on you buddy, okay buddy, now I mean it, one....two.... Buddy don't make me say three.... One....two.... Buddy I mean it.....

Every time I hear a kid get called buddy, I instantly get a gag reflex.
How can you coach a bunch of the parents' buddies?????

Sorry but this is just flat dead wrong. I was raised by as hard of a man and father and "non-friend" old school, beat your arse with a switch dad as you will ever find. But he also called me "buddy" or "bud". Dads have been calling sons "buddy" since my grandpa was a kid. I don't like tree hugging, everyone gets everything they want type attitudes anymore than the next guy but calling your son buddy is in no way any sort of indicator of this. No different than Ward calling the Beaver "sport"

[urban iceman]

OH WARD,YOU WERE LITTLE HARD ON THE BEAV' LAST NIGHT!!

[imlisteningtothefnsong]

Sorry but this is just flat dead wrong. I was raised by as hard of a man and father and "non-friend" old school, beat your arse with a switch dad as you will ever find. But he also called me "buddy" or "bud". Dads have been calling sons "buddy" since my grandpa was a kid. I don't like tree hugging, everyone gets everything they want type attitudes anymore than the next guy but calling your son buddy is in no way any sort of indicator of this. No different than Ward calling the Beaver "sport"

Nope not wrong!! Not even in WI. If your dad hit you with a stick, he did not use hand sanitizer or give you a repetitive slow count to three either. Bud, of yore, is vastly different than the okay buddy, of today!!

[JSR]

Sorry but this is just flat dead wrong. I was raised by as hard of a man and father and "non-friend" old school, beat your arse with a switch dad as you will ever find. But he also called me "buddy" or "bud". Dads have been calling sons "buddy" since my grandpa was a kid. I don't like tree hugging, everyone gets everything they want type attitudes anymore than the next guy but calling your son buddy is in no way any sort of indicator of this. No different than Ward calling the Beaver "sport"

Nope not wrong!! Not even in WI. If your dad hit you with a stick, he did not use hand sanitizer or give you a repetitive slow count to three either. Bud, of yore, is vastly different than the okay buddy, of today!!

Yep, now I know you are 100% completely wrong. You're assigning an attitude and a behavior to a word that is not universally used the same way by everyone. It's not the word it's the person, there are PLENTY of us who still use the word that don't have that attitude.

[almostashappy]

Hey mommy, think about this, teenaged boy are more of bullies to other teenaged boys than any coach could be. Mom, you ever been in the locker room? Turn away go the other direction, you don't want to know what your buddy, little Jonny is capable of. Aside from pampering the little boy, you should straighten him out at home before sending him out into the big bad world and stop thinking he's innocent or being picked on. If a coach stepped even close to the same line that kids cross daily with each other they would be doing 10-20yrs and registering as a sextual predator. With that said some coaches are A holes and the system takes care of itself and these guys don't last long and the word gets around. Bullying is a serious offense don't water it down being the one that calls foul when it really isn't. Grow some balls.

While I'm not big on the tone/language of this comment, it does raise a salient point.

To me, a coach really can't "bully" a player, because I see bullying as something that is done by someone in the victim's peer group. The playground bully isn't a teacher...it's a fellow student. Same for internet bullying of girls by girls. The bully tries to gain power/control over the victim that they have no right to obtain.

So while a coach can be an abusive a$$hole, he's more like the abusive boss playing mindgames with their employees than a schoolyard (or lockerroom) bully. And there are bullies in the hockey locker rooms, no question. Why else would Minnesota Hockey now require at least one parent to be present within a youth team's locker room at all times?

A coach shouldn't tolerate players bullying other players on his team. Unfortunatey, there are coaches that either ignore what's happening, or (worse) actually encourage the behavior, thinking that a little "peer pressure" will build character and toughen up the victim. Think Code Red. And "A Few Good Men." And Jack Nicholson on the witness stand, wearing a coach's whistle instead of a dress uniform, yelling at all of the worrisome hockey moms, "You can't handle the truth!"

[Where is F3?]

The difference today is parents feel that their kid is entitled to something even if they haven't earned it. If a coach disciplines an athlete because of poor play/breaking team rules, the first person a parent looks at is the coach. "Why is my kid getting the shaft?". Some parents automatically blame the coach for their child s misfortune.

Another great line is ,"Why is my kid not playing? It must be that the coach is a bully and doesn't like my kid". The real question should be, "What did my kid do or not do in the off season which is forcing the coach to not play them?" Coaches wish they could say "Your kid simply isn't good enough to play."

Now I'm not saying ALL parents are like this because the truth is there are some great parents out there, but parents who have issues with coaches most likely have this attitude where the total blame is on the coach.

[Hockeylogger]

[quote="Where is F3?"]The difference today is parents feel that their kid is entitled to something even if they haven't earned it. If a coach disciplines an athlete because of poor play/breaking team rules, the first person a parent looks at is the coach. "Why is my kid getting the shaft?". Some parents automatically blame the coach for their child s misfortune.

Another great line is ,"Why is my kid not playing? It must be that the coach is a bully and doesn't like my kid". The real question should be, "What did my kid do or not do in the off season which is forcing the coach to not play them?" Coaches wish they could say "Your kid simply isn't good enough to play."

Now I'm not saying ALL parents are like this because the truth is there are some great parents out there, but parents who have issues with coaches most likely have this attitude where the total blame is on the coach.[/quote]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You hit the nail directly on the head with this post.

[JSR]

The difference today is parents feel that their kid is entitled to something even if they haven't earned it. If a coach disciplines an athlete because of poor play/breaking team rules, the first person a parent looks at is the coach. "Why is my kid getting the shaft?". Some parents automatically blame the coach for their child s misfortune.

Another great line is ,"Why is my kid not playing? It must be that the coach is a bully and doesn't like my kid". The real question should be, "What did my kid do or not do in the off season which is forcing the coach to not play them?" Coaches wish they could say "Your kid simply isn't good enough to play."

Now I'm not saying ALL parents are like this because the truth is there are some great parents out there, but parents who have issues with coaches most likely have this attitude where the total blame is on the coach.

Hypothetically speaking AND assuming for the moment the kid works hard and has a great attitude, at what age do you believe it is ok for a coach not play a KID who is not "good enough", further if the kid is not good enough then why did they accept them on the team in the first place? High School varsity is different and I know this is a high school page but I wanted to pose the question on a larger scale to see what the response is.

[Where is F3?]

JSR-

I was talking mostly about High School. The great thing about varsity sports is that you can not cut a player because they are not good enough, thats what JV is for. It is different at private schools. Hill-Murray will cut a senior if he doesn't make varsity, and won't let them play JV because that is where they develop their younger players.

[SCBlueLiner]

The difference today is parents feel that their kid is entitled to something even if they haven't earned it. If a coach disciplines an athlete because of poor play/breaking team rules, the first person a parent looks at is the coach. "Why is my kid getting the shaft?". Some parents automatically blame the coach for their child s misfortune.

Another great line is ,"Why is my kid not playing? It must be that the coach is a bully and doesn't like my kid". The real question should be, "What did my kid do or not do in the off season which is forcing the coach to not play them?" Coaches wish they could say "Your kid simply isn't good enough to play."

Now I'm not saying ALL parents are like this because the truth is there are some great parents out there, but parents who have issues with coaches most likely have this attitude where the total blame is on the coach.

Hypothetically speaking AND assuming for the moment the kid works hard and has a great attitude, at what age do you believe it is ok for a coach not play a KID who is not "good enough", further if the kid is not good enough then why did they accept them on the team in the first place? High School varsity is different and I know this is a high school page but I wanted to pose the question on a larger scale to see what the response is.

I'll bite on this and feel free to scrutinize me but I believe my reasons for this belief are correct. For me, personally, I believe this starts in small increments at 2nd year Pee Wees and full implementation in Bantams. I am not saying the player should waste away on the end of the bench. On the contrary, I think the coach should roll the lines and if the kid is good enough to make the team then he should be out there*, however, this is the age where special teams are introduced. I don't see a problem in a kid missing a shift during a PP/PK situation or in the last 2 minutes in order to finish out a game. Now, ideally, the player you described as hard working and having a great attitude would be rewarded by the coach with shifts in these situations.

The stance I take with the distribution of ice time above has less to do with winning a game and more to do with teaching the players about work ethic and doing things the right way. It's a reward for hard work and ability and also a consequence for not doing the right things both on and off the ice. Just opening the gate when it is the next player's turn does not teach them anything other than they are entitled to play because they showed up for the game (even though they habitually miss practice).


*There are situations in small programs where, under normal circumstances, a player would not have made a certain level team. Sometimes you count the numbers of players who signed up and that is your team. These players do not fall under the normal mantra (they were good enough to make the team". No they weren't, they are on the team because they signed up and you need bodies. In these situations it is up to the coach to develop the player through practice and games, give these players a role on the team, and give them ice time, but don't put them into a situation they can't handle.

[illhaveanother]

Kinda getting off track on this thread, but from what I gather a coach isnt the bully, but it seems that its the unhappy parents who are using the "bully" tag
to get rid of the coach.
Maybe with all the anti bully propaganda and the cyber bully situations they think this is the new buzz word to help their cause.

Support your coach!!!